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Captions Story, part the Second



.... being new texts for old pictures - and bringing a whole new meaning to them:

Created as a birthday surprise for someone, specifically for this website by Donnakat and Vee017.
Thanks, gals.

Updated:
07 June 2006

Doyle: "Wow Rhade...is that...you?"

T. Rhade: "I guess Anne was right about this following thing. I didn't know they'd erect a fifty foot gold statue in my honour though..."


Harper: How is this fair. I get one date with Lunah and then Rhade goes out and gets and even bigger following than all the women on Seefra, and what's with the statue? No one gave me a statue. Why don't I have a statue?


T. Rhade: "I think I'm going to like this club thing. With all these Ba-Chicks to keep me warm I'll never be cold again!"


*watching from elsewhere in the universe* Camulus: "I think it's time Rhade and I had a little talk. It's this same sort of thing that led me to kidnap Steve...*cough*...I mean...plant some trees..." *shifty eyes*


**Yelling from top of 50-ft. gold statue** Steve Bacic: "Help!! Help!! Somebody get me out of here!!"

T. Rhade: "Where's that yelling coming from?"

Doyle: "It sounds like it's coming from the statue."

T. Rhade: "The voice sounds familiar..."

Doyle: "He sounds like you."

T. Rhade: "That's stretching it a bit, Doyle."



T. Rhade: "You know, I smell something."

Doyle: "Well don't look at me. I'm an android...Harper didn't program me to have body odor."

T. Rhade: "No, not body odor. It's..."

Doyle: "It smells like cologne. Sexy cologne. Rawr!"

T. Rhade: "My genetically superior nose is detecting traces of tonka bean, vanilla, caramel, and chocolate mingled with the more subtle aroma of coffee, tar, bergamot, lavender, and patchouli."

Doyle: "Rhade...that's very, ahem, perceptive of you." *giggles* "How would you know?" *giggles again*

T. Rhade: "It's Angel cologne, and it's the scent I've been tracking.

Doyle: "Mmmmm...the 'Scent of Steve'. Let me help you."



Rhade: "Well, whoever has kidnapped him wants to make sure we don't make it to that statue to rescue him. It looks like we'll have to fight our way there."

Harper: "I'll help ya, big guy!"


Camulus: *watching viewscreen* "Damn Seefra Jaffa can’t they do anything right? I thought that statue was solid. You! Jaffa! Find whoever built that thing and have him killed and then take us to Seefra. Steve will not escape and neither will Rhade. I am a God and am to therefore be worshipped as such. Lord Camulus does not settle for being third!"


Harper: "Oh yeah, who kicked ass? Now with our ninja fighting abilities no one will stand in our way of rescuing Steve!"

Beka: "I’m just here for the rewa—I mean to morally support Rhade. What are Nana’s for?"

Doyle: "Mmmm...that smells good. And if it smells that good out here post battle I wonder what it’ll be like up close and personal...I wonder if they make Angel for women..."

Rhade: "How are we going to get into that thing?"



Trance: "Oh I can help you with that, as long as there are no force fields around it, I think I can teleport all of you inside. I don’t know how close I can get you to the top though."


**T. Rhade and Trance inside the statue**

T. Rhade: "Hey, what happened to the others?"

Trance: "Oops, it looks like I only had enough power to transport the two of us."

T. Rhade: "Shhh...do you hear that?"

Steve (yelling from inside some undisclosed location): "Help!"



T. Rhade: "It's coming from this direction."

Steve: "Of course it is! Get me outta here!"

T. Rhade: "Hold your horses!"

Steve: "Horses? Who told you about that?"

T. Rhade: "Huh?"

Steve: "Never mind...I'm in here! Hurry up...I gotta go to the bathroom!"

T. Rhade: "Hmpf. I can't believe they picked this guy to play me."



T. Rhade: "Here...through this door. He's here. I can smell him."

Steve: "Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

T. Rhade: "Your cologne. I can smell your cologne. You smell good."

Steve: "I know."



**opens door and looks inside to find Steve on the floor, in a groggy stupor**

T. Rhade: "Hey, you do look like me."

Steve: "I know."

Trance: "Is he drunk?"

Steve: "Of course I'm not drunk. Hey, you're not purple anymore."

Trance: "Of course I'm not purple anymore."

Steve: "We have to get out of here. I have a Con to go to in New York. If I don't show up, approximately one dozen Ba-Chicks will kill me."

T. Rhade: "Um, about that. Think you can spare a Ba-Chick or two for me?"

Steve: "Well, I dunno..."

T. Rhade: "Aw come on Steve! Cut a guy some slack, will ya?"

Steve: "Tell ya what. Get me outta here, and we'll discuss it."



*ring device activates* Camulus: "And just where do you think you're going with my prisoner?"


T. Rhade: "Camulus! I should have known it was you...except I didn't...but yeah, it was you who kidnapped Steve!"


Camulus: "How astute. You didn't think it odd when I offered to help? Steve isn't going anywhere, and neither are you."

Steve: "Yeah, um about that Con I just mentioned..."

Camulus: "Do not worry about it. I will be taking your place and as such all the Ba-Chicks will worship me. I am a God. It's only natural for them to do so."



Steve: "So...you kidnapped me for my fans?"

Camulus: "As the original you have the biggest fanbase, then Rhade is next. I refuse to be beaten out by a Tau'ri and a Nietzschean!"

T. Rhade: "Whoa, whoa, wait a minute, original? What do you mean Steve is the original? Isn't he just another of my clones? An acting clone? I'm the original."



Camulus: "You inherited nothing but your face from Gaheris. If he were not the original we would all have 'Inner Rhades instead of 'Inner Steves."

T. Rhade: *whispers to Steve* "What's an 'Inner Steve'?"



Steve: "Okay you two; I'll cut you both a deal. You let me go home, and I'll let you both go to the I-Con in my place. I need a vacation anyway."

T. Rhade: "Throw in a 1/2 dozen of your chicks and you got yourself a deal."

Steve: "Two...you said two."

T. Rhade: "That was before Camulus showed up. Now I want six."

Steve: "Oh, okay...six it is."

Camulus: "I want them all."

T. Rhade: "You can't have them all, Camulus."

Camulus: "They belong to me!!"

Steve: "Aw, come on guys. I really gotta find a bathroom!"

Trance: "Why?"

Steve: "Too much coffee and Crown Royal. You know how it is."

T. Rhade: "Indeed I do."

Steve: "Okay, you both go in my place. We'll sort out the details later."

*Camulus and Rhade nod in agreement*

Steve: "But there's one thing..."

Camulus: "Oh?"

T. Rhade: "What?"

Steve: "If you're going to pass yourselves off as me, you need to act like me. Everyone knows I'm nothing like you two...at least not personality wise."

T. Rhade: "Where do we begin?"

Steve: "Well, here's a start. The sock monkey. If they hand you the monkey, you must cuddle it."

Camulus: "Huh?"

Steve: "Like this." *shows picture*



Camulus: "I'm not doing that."

T. Rhade: "Neither am I. No way. Not for all the Ba-Chicks you have!"

Steve: "That's how it is. Take it or leave it. One more thing."

**Rhade & Camulus look suspiciously and dreadingly at each other**

Steve: "Hats. They might ask you to wear funny hats. And remember, no matter how much you want to tear them limb from limb, you must pretend you enjoy it. Like this."

**shows pic**



T. Rhade: "Nu uh, no way!!!"

Camulus: "I will not stoop in such a fashion."

Trance: "Aww, how cute!!"

Steve: "So, do we have a deal?"

Rhade: (growls) "I suppose so."

Camulus: (looks shifty eyed) "Yes." (mumbles under breath 'and when I get there, I'll kidnap them all for myself')

Steve: "Okay good...now let's find a bathroom."

Trance: "I'll transport you to the nearest one."

Steve: "Oh, I almost forgot!! One more thing...the most important thing of all!"

Rhade & Camulus: "Yes!?"

Steve: "Mark Goddard. Beware of Mark Goddard."

Trance: "He's not supposed to be at I-Con, is he?"

Steve: "Well, no, but you never know...I might ask you two to do this for me again. It would fare you well to be on the alert."

Camulus: "Who is Mark Goddard?"

Steve: "Here, I'll show you."

**Steve shows picture**



Rhade: "Is that the guy on the left?"

Steve: "Of course! Where else would he be in that picture?"

Rhade: "That's it, I'm not doing this. I'm going back to Seefra."

Camulus: "I'm going home too. Sock monkeys, funny hats, Mark Goddard...I'm beginning to think I like my job better."

Rhade: “Camulus, don't be such a wuss.”

Camulus: “Who are you calling a wuss? I am not a wuss.”

Rhade: “Camulus, you are so such a wuss.”

Camulus: “Am not. You are.”

Rhade: “No, you are.”

Camulus: “No, you are.”

Rhade: “No, you are.”

Camulus: “No, you are.”

Rhade: “No, you are.”

Camulus: “No, you are.”

Trance: “Quick Steve…while they’re arguing, let me transport us out of here and get you home. But I only ask for one thing in return.”



Steve: “What’s that?”

Trance: “I wanna be a Ba-Chick.”

Steve: “Consider it done.”

Trance: “And I want a part in your next movie.”

Steve: “I’ll see what I can do.”

Trance: “And I want to go to I-Con with you.”

Steve: “You’re welcome to come.”

Trance: “And I want a hug.”

Steve: “Sure.”

**Steve and Trance hug**

Trance: “And I want to sniff you.”

Steve: “Well, um…okay.”

Trance: “You smell good.”

Steve: “I know.”

**Trance and Steve teleport away**

Rhade: “No, you are.”

Camulus: “No, you are.”

Rhade: “No, you are.”

Camulus: “No, you are.”

Rhade: “No, you are.”

Camulus: “No, you are.” etc. etc. etc........

THE END
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