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Captions Story



.... being new texts for old pictures - and bringing a whole new meaning to them:

Created as a birthday surprise for someone, specifically for this website by Donna and Vee, and with a little pictorial help from Snoopy .
Thanks, gals.

Updated:
07 June 2006
Gaheris: Well itís time for another dream featuring ďAdvice from GrandpaĒ and this time Telemachus pay very close attention. Iím not into the cryptic: Steve. Is. Missing. Did you get that boy? That was straightforward, Iím pretty sure it was.

Gaheris: Now before you wake up hereís a completely random dream about Trance and me.

Rhade: Whenever he gives me advice in dreams I know my day's not gonna turn out right...

Telemachus: "Okay, since it's obvious you're going to make me look for this 'Steve' guy, the least you could do is give me an idea of what he looks like."

Gaheris: "That shouldn't be a problem. Here's a picture taken at the last location of his whereabouts:"


Telemachus: "That's just disturbing. How am I supposed to use that picture to find him? I mean, his face is mostly covered!"

Gaheris: "Think boy...use your genetically superior brain. And if that doesn't work, use your superior sense of smell."

Telemachus: "What do you mean?"

Gaheris: "Angel...he wears Angel cologne."

Telemachus: *snickers*

Gaheris: "I know, I know. But this is no time for jokes. We need to find him, and soon. Okay now, time to wake up."

Telemachus (wakes up): "Angel...heh." *snickers some more*



Telemachus: "Okay, I can't believe I let him talk me into this. I mean, how am I supposed to find this guy?"


Camulus: "Perhaps I can be of some assistance."


T. Rhade: "Who are you, and what on Tarazed are you wearing?"

Camulus: "Camulus is my name. I am a god, and this is a kilt."

T. Rhade: "You'd never catch me wearing one of those."

Camulus: "Well, it sure beats a jumpsuit any day."

T. Rhade: "Hey...no more jumpsuit jokes!"


Jonas from Firefighter
Jonas: "Well, there's no sign of this Steve guy up here."



Jonas: "Though I have to admit, the picture I have to go by isn't much better than yours, Telemachus." **looks at picture**


Coburn: That's the same picture I got. This will be difficult but SG-2 specializes in search and rescue missions. Uh...is that Camulus? He's offering to help? Why do I find that odd...


Telemachus: ...and then Grandpa said to find Steve. What's worse is that I only have a scent to go by, all the pictures we have are useless, we can't see his face.


Gaheris: *mumbles from the Other Side* If he can't figure that out...I'm not even going to tell him to look in the mirror. Idiots. Steve will never be found...


Telemachus: It's an odd mission but somehow I feel that it's important. Only question now is: where do I start?

Beka: Why don't you go ask Trance? She used to be good at finding things.


Trance: "Look Rhade, I found my Bonsai tree."

T. Rhade: "That's great. Now can you help me find Steve?"



Trance: "Who's Steve?" **shows picture**

Trance: "Rhade, I'm very good at finding things, but this picture is just terrible! Come back with a better one, and I'll tap into all the realities to try to find him. By the way, when did you decide to go back to the old look?"

T. Rhade: "When Grandpa Gaheris appeared to me in a dream again last night. He told me if I ever wanted to have him quit giving me advice in dreams, I needed to clean up my act. Since then, I've shaved and had my hair cut - I'm still not sure if I want to part with the earring and the leather pants, though."



Harper: "You need help finding Steve? I can help ya...for a price."

T. Rhade: "What would you have that could possibly help me, you little runt?"

Harper: "Oh yeah? It just so happens that I have a promo pic of this Steve guy you're looking for."

T. Rhade: "Show it to me."

Harper: "Awww no...not until you pay me."

T. Rhade: *sighs* "Name your price."

Harper: "Lunah. I want a date with Lunah."

T. Rhade: "Lunah? You mean the woman that wore that feather hat?"

Harper: "That's her."

T. Rhade: "Okay, I'll fix you up. Now show me the picture."

**Harper shows picture to T. Rhade**



T. Rhade: "You have got to be kidding. That can't be him."

Harper: "That's him all right."

T. Rhade: "You sure you're not trying to con me? Because if you are..."

Harper: "Relax, big guy. This is him all right. You know, he looks slightly familiar, but I can't quite place why."

T. Rhade: "Just give me the picture."

**Telemachus takes picture and leaves**

Harper (yelling after him): "Don't forget...Lunah! And make sure she's wearing that bird hat!"

Harper (after Telemachus leaves): "I thought he was clean shaven yesterday. Those Nietzscheans must grow facial hair pretty quickly."



T. Rhade: "Uh, Lunah? This isn't what I meant when I asked you for a favour."

Lunah: "It's not?"

T. Rhade: "No see, I got a favour from Harper, who wanted a favour from me, which led me to ask a favour of you. I need you to go on a date with Harper."


Lunah: "Harper?"

T. Rhade: "Yes, Harper."

Lunah: "Small, short, weird, eccentric?"

T. Rhade: "Sounds right."

Lunah: "Why would I go out with him?"



T. Rhade: "If I give you this sultry look will you do it?"


Lunah: "Agh! I never could resist that look...hmmm...isn't this Harper the bartender?"

T. Rhade: "Yup. And he wants you to wear the bird hat."

Lunah: "My hat? Someone likes my hat!? A bartender who likes my hat...okay I'll give it a shot. But if it doesn't work out you owe me."



T. Rhade: "Finally that's out of the way. Now to find this Steve...I wonder if he's another clone Peter created...nah Grandpa wouldn't care about clones...and what was Harper doing with a promo pic anyway...*shakes head* well according to the ILSB that Coburn found, this "Steve" been spotted in Copenhagen, Mexico, Paris, London, Rio, Brazil, Yellowstone, Niagara, Bangkok, and NASA."


Anne: "Vancouver. Let's not forget about Vancouver."


T. Rhade: "Who are you?"

Anne: "I'm Anne, and I'm the Vice-President of the Steve Bacic Fan Club."

T. Rhade: "Who's the President?"

Anne: "This guy named Steve."

T. Rhade: "Bacic? This guy is President of his own fan club?"

Anne: "No no no...some other guy named Steve - though it's been rumored his real name is Bob."

T. Rhade: "Steve Bacic's real name is Bob?"

Anne: "No, silly...Steve, the President of Steve Bacic's fan club."

T. Rhade: "Bacic."

Anne: "Basically, yes."

T. Rhade: "So, this Steve Basically...I mean, Bacic guy has a fan club??"

Anne: "Why, yes he does."

T. Rhade: "Why?"

Anne: "Yes."

T. Rhade: "No, I mean why?"

Anne: "Huh?"

T. Rhade: "Why does he have a fan club?"

Anne: "He's an actor."

T. Rhade: "A what?"

Anne: "Not a what...an actor."

T. Rhade: "Of what?"

Anne: "Many things. He even plays a Nietzschean."

T. Rhade: "Get outta here!"

Anne: "Why? Did I do something wrong?"

T. Rhade: "No, I mean...you're kidding, right?"

Anne: "No. He's an actor and has a following that is growing in numbers every day. Well, almost every day."

T. Rhade: "And he plays a Nietzschean."

Anne: "Well, he did. The last season just wrapped up. Now he's producing."

T. Rhade: "Children?"

Anne: "No. Teacher."

T. Rhade: "He's producing teachers? How does he know his offspring are going to become teachers?"

Anne: "No. I mean he's producing a film called 'Teacher'."

T. Rhade: "This is all so confusing. Wouldn't you rather follow a real Nietzschean than someone pretending to be one?"

Anne: "You should visit our forum someday. You definitely have a following of your own."

T. Rhade: "I do?"

Anne: "Why yes...the ladies are particularly interested in your boneblades and leather trousers."

T. Rhade: "I must meet these ladies."

Anne: "Indeed. That's why we chose you to find Steve. Of all the characters he has played, we believe the Nietzschean may be the most popular thus far."

T. Rhade: "Indeed...and for obvious reasons. Just look at me."

Page 2 Anne: "Indeed." **Anne looks at T. Rhade**

T. Rhade: "Is that a double helix you're wearing?"

Anne: "Why, yes it is."

T. Rhade: "Is that Steve Bacic's?"

Anne: "No."

T. Rhade: "You know, I could hook any of you ladies up with a real one of those, if you'd just ditch this Bacic guy and follow me instead."

Anne: "Indeed."

Page 2




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